Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Campus Bagpipers Set to Form Trade Union, Seeking Henchmen

Good Evening Rovalettes, Prince Valiant here -

As I was peddling my trusty 12 speed across campus this evening, a charismatic group of Notre Dame bagpipers materialized out of the shadows and surrounded me. The menacing way in which they brandished their instruments led me to believe that rather than shrieking for assistance, I should listen to what they had to say.
I'm glad I did. Turns out, the bagpipe band is forming a trade union styled after the infamous Teamsters. Notre Dame's acting piper captain, Henrich von Tooterooski, explained to me that the group possesses a laundry list of grievances against the University, most notably the poor job done by ND's career center in finding bagpiper alums lucrative jobs in the field after graduation.
Because any union worth mentioning has a set of ruthless henchmen with which to "persuade" others to see things the union way, the bagpipers informed me that, due to my renowned valiance, they were interested in bringing me on board as their nightstick of rectitude. I confess, I was flattered. However, as is so often the case, my sense of moral uprightness compelled me to confess to those hopeful faces gathered round what cowardly emotions surged within my breast at the first intimation of confrontation. Convinced that I was not the right man for the job, the pipers piped a doleful cadence of lamentation and slowly withdrew into the fading twilight, to continue their search for dependable cronies. I hear they are still accepting applications, so if anyone is in need of a slightly disreputable mode of employment, check them out.

-In grandiosity,
Prince Valiant.

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