Monday, January 28, 2008

British Comedy (Warning: Slightly Explicit Content)

I'm not a fan of British comedy. Monty Python doesn't do it for me. And to be honest that is about the only British comedy that I can name.

Until I ran across the Cambridge University Varsity from Friday, which contained the Varsity Sex Survey.
(Be sure to check out "Three's a Crowd" on the bottom of page 7)

Some of the gems:

"Back in the sixties, students were not nearly as free loving as one might expect. Richard Sparrow explained “Because of the low proportion of girls to boys, not everyone could have a girlfriend, even if they wanted one”. Sparrow believes this had a knock on effect on the number of homosexuals "I'm sure they didn't all want to be homosexuals, it just wasn't feasible to remain heterosexual, like in prison."

Yes, exactly like prison.

"Luckily for common rooms everywhere, only 15% have engaged in group sex."

"Almost half of all mathematicians have never had sex, whereas the average Medic has had at least eight sexual partners. CUSU President Mark Fletcher seemed unsurprised by the findings.
He said: “It’s obvious that the mathematicians haven’t found the winning formula yet. But it’s good to see that ‘Doctors and Nurses’ is still a popular game.”

"The online study... shows that students at poorly-performing colleges are more likely to have high average levels of sexual partners."

Well in that case I guess it's a good thing that Notre Dame has such allegedly "strained" gender relations. Remember when the Scholastic did that big article about grade inflation. They proposed things like draft dodging, smarter students and some such other things. Well I float a more accurate proposal. Grades having been rising since the end of Vietnam, which is also coincidently the arrival of females on campus and the beginning of these "strained" relations. No longer could a fine Gentleman of Notre Dame hit it and quit it across the road. He had to deal with the brazen Daughters who sat next to him in class and ate with him in the dining hall. This meant that he didn't get any anymore, and had more time to focus on his real work. Thus the rise in grades. Maybe? Maybe not. Either way, I'm pretty sure that Domers are less, ah, active, than whatever you call students at Cambridge. Which is a good thing, when 1 in 3 Britons has an STD and teen pregnancy has risen the last two years. And after all, kids, this is Notre frickin Dame, we're all good Catholics right?

Even the Gip wasn't fooling around according to DNA. Now some of those girls on South Quad, that's another story.

No comments: